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withinblackvxvi
17 December 2012 @ 09:40 am

Love of a lifetime? I hope yes. I hope this is it. I hope it's really him. If it's him, I hope it's happily ever after for us. I've been in love before and I never thought I can fall even deeper with someone else and yet, I did. Here I am. And I'm the happiest person in the world.

Truthfully, I didn't like him at first. Not because of who he is but because I didn't accept love so easily. I judge and turn away without taking another glimpse of the situation. Yes, I was the problem. Also, I was in love with Panda that time. So, opening my heart to him was really hard for me.

My friends were persistent on the other hand. They kept on mentioning his name and things that can happen if we become a couple. I rolled my eyes and brushed it like it was nothing.

And then, one day came when I realized what I was doing is not really good. If he really likes me, I should appreciate it and give him a chance. Giving him a chance doesn't mean he'll surely become my boyfriend, isn't it? I realized that. So, I began talking to him again through chat. I became less colder and started to ask questions about him. I began opening up to him. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. He's fun to talk to and I saw myself getting interested in him more and more.

I dreamed about him one night, and when I wake up, I couldn't get him out of my mind. I knew right then and there, I was falling in love already. I kept it to myself because I wanted to first make sure that what I feel is real. I wanted to let myself accept these feelings wholeheartedly before I take a

step forward, because there's no going back if I do. Accepting it is hard, too. If I accept, there's a big chance he'll be my first boyfriend. If he will be, I want him to be my last, too. I'm that old fashioned maybe but it's what I want. It's who I am, I can't change that. One more thing, he's living on the other side of the world. I was never really a fan of long-distance relationship, and there I was at the edge of involving myself in it. Love is really unpredictable. The least you expected to happen will happen. I was really confused but I love him.

I told my friends eventually and they had the happiest reaction ever. It's really good to see that they want him for me, and that they like him. After that, everything else became so easy and happy. I just let myself love him. Love is so powerful.

I didn't tell him instantly, but I made him feel it. I hoped he felt it. My original plan was to wait for him in June when he comes back here before I tell him what I feel. But I couldn't hold it any longer. I wanted him to know this feeling so bad! December 13 was when I told him. I was the happiest person in the world. I even cried! ><

And now, I'm happy. We may not be together physically but I know we are together by heart. Hearing his voice through my phone can make my days so bright and happy. I could cry right now just saying all of these wonderful feelings I get because of him. Everything just felt right. I hurt my cheeks from smiling the whole day and yet, I don't mind. I feel he's the right one.

Love of a lifetime? I hope yes. I hope this is it. I hope it's really him. If it's him, I hope it's happily ever after for us. I've been in love before and I never thought I can fall even deeper with someone else and yet, I did. Here I am. And I'm the happiest person in the world.

Truthfully, I didn't like him at first. Not because of who he is but because I didn't accept love so easily. I judge and turn away without taking another glimpse of the situation. Yes, I was the problem. Also, I was in love with Panda that time. So, opening my heart to him was really hard for me.

My friends were persistent on the other hand. They kept on mentioning his name and things that can happen if we become a couple. I rolled my eyes and brushed it like it was nothing.

And then, one day came when I realized what I was doing is not really good. If he really likes me, I should appreciate it and give him a chance. Giving him a chance doesn't mean he'll surely become my boyfriend, isn't it? I realized that. So, I began talking to him again through chat. I became less colder and started to ask questions about him. I began opening up to him. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. He's fun to talk to and I saw myself getting interested in him more and more.

I dreamed about him one night, and when I wake up, I couldn't get him out of my mind. I knew right then and there, I was falling in love already. I kept it to myself because I wanted to first make sure that what I feel is real. I wanted to let myself accept these feelings wholeheartedly before I take a

step forward, because there's no going back if I do. Accepting it is hard, too. If I accept, there's a big chance he'll be my first boyfriend. If he will be, I want him to be my last, too. I'm that old fashioned maybe but it's what I want. It's who I am, I can't change that. One more thing, he's living on the other side of the world. I was never really a fan of long-distance relationship, and there I was at the edge of involving myself in it. Love is really unpredictable. The least you expected to happen will happen. I was really confused but I love him.

I told my friends eventually and they had the happiest reaction ever. It's really good to see that they want him for me, and that they like him. After that, everything else became so easy and happy. I just let myself love him. Love is so powerful.

I didn't tell him instantly, but I made him feel it. I hoped he felt it. My original plan was to wait for him in June when he comes back here before I tell him what I feel. But I couldn't hold it any longer. I wanted him to know this feeling so bad! December 13 was when I told him. I was the happiest person in the world. I even cried! ><

And now, I'm happy. We may not be together physically but I know we are together by heart. Hearing his voice through my phone can make my days so bright and happy. I could cry right now just saying all of these wonderful feelings I get because of him. Everything just felt right. I hurt my cheeks from smiling the whole day and yet, I don't mind. I feel he's the right one.

 
 
withinblackvxvi
25 September 2012 @ 01:10 am
This month, the passion of making drawings came back to me unexpectedly. Maybe it's because I was so frustrated about not being able to write a satisfying fan fiction. I stopped making drawings years ago, though sometimes I still make some but I was never serious about it. Just to kill time. And now that it came back to me, decisions are suddenly made.

I know now what I really want to do in my life. That is to pursue art. It made me think deeply. Art has been with me since I was a kid. Anime influenced me to love art. I have loved anime since my childhood days and to make my own anime became my dream. I made stories out of drawings (even though they were badly drawn). Added to that, my cousin, sister and my best friend also like to draw. The four of us would make drawings and show it to each other. And when we bought a computer for the first time, the first thing I was sure I would do was to draw in there, because my brother said I can do it in the computer.

But as I grew older, I became exposed to many things that caught my curiosity, somehow, these things slowly overshadowed my passion in drawings. I still made some but little by little I started to realize how badly I draw. My friends and classmates would appreciate my drawings but I was never satisfied. I accepted their praise but the pride was never there. Slowly, I accepted that drawing isn't really for me. 

Before I entered college, I knew exactly what course I would want to get. Since I was in third year high school, I decided to get the HRM course because it was what I think will suit me the most. But before the enrollment day in college, my brother told me about IT course. He said, through that course, I can learn a lot about multimedia arts which include drawings, animations, photoshop, video editing and a lot more. The first thing that came to my mind is through that course I will be able to make anime. That time, I didn't think of it as my dream. All I wanted was to make my own anime for my own likeness. So, my two-year-decision changed in just one night. In college, I became an IT student.

True enough, I learned what I expected to learn except for making my own anime but like I cared that time. I'm learning multimedia art, that's enough. Also, during college was when my passion in writing really came out. I was so sure I wanted to be a writer but only for sideline work because I knew I will be working in a multimedia art related work. But as time goes by, the passion in writing became stronger than that of pursuing art that when I graduated, instead of adding new knowledge about multimedia, I studied about writing.

I decided then that it's writing that I really want. Somehow, I regret attending IT instead of English Literature. For almost a year now, all I wanted to do was to learn writing. But I never get the chance to learn it properly in school. All I do is write and write not knowing if what I'm doing is correct. I have never had someone who can teach me so my improvement in writing is very slow. Reading others' wonderful stories both encouraged and discouraged me. It encourages me to do my best but knowing even doing my best hasn't the best outcome, I was discouraged. And now, because of the negativity inside me that I can't let go even I want to, I can't write anymore. I have so many ideas that I need to release through writing but this low self-confidence hinders them. I'm so frustrated that I want to give up, but I can't give up because I know it's what I want to do.

However, like I said, this month something changed in me. Something came back, and that's the passion of making drawings. When it came back, everything I did from my childhood to my college days flashback in my mind. I began asking myself questions about all those that happened and I did.

Why did I ever like anime when I was a child?
Why did I dream of making my own anime?
Why did I make stories through drawings?
Why did I first thought of making drawings when we first bought a computer?
Why did I suddenly change my two-year-decision in just one night?
Why did I became passionable in writing for three years?
Why did my passion in drawing came back all of a sudden?
And even though it came back, why can't I let go of my passion in writing?

On that same night, I found my answer.

Why did I do all of those things in my questions? It's because since then, not giving too much attention about it, I subconsciously knew making drawings and writing stories are my dreams. Does it make sense why I like anime since childhood? Anime isn't just about drawings, but it's also about the story. Both of these elements in Anime is my dream. 

I finally knew that drawing and writing are what I want to do in my life. I might do them separately or together. I've decided that night I will pursue these two dreams I have. So, the next day, I bought a new drawing tab with my own money. I did not ask mom to buy it for me. She would but I thought that if I'm sure this is what I want to do, then I will begin it with my own foundation.

So my passion for both drawing and writing are very strong right now, but it doesn't prevent problems from hindering it. I won't call them problems but challenges I must face and overcome. They're not easy. They're bad forces that bring me down and urge me strongly to give up. I don't want to give up. 

But sometimes, even I don't want to give up, I don't know what I should do or choose to continue. This is the time that I need help.

My one big problem now is whether to attend school or not.

I still got it. My drawing skills but seeing others' work makes me realize that I'm way too far from standing on their level. I'm still beginning. Knowing that, I'm not discouraged but instead I am encouraged to do something to level up. My one solution is to attend school. However, schools that offer courses about digital arts are two to three hours far from my house. They are in a place where I know consider very dangerous. I can't even go there now without someone with me. I'm too scared. And just thinking about going there to study and pursue this dream I have, I'm torn. I wanted to but I'm scared. I know it's part of the challenge, being scared and nervous, not knowing what will come ahead, but I can't find my courage to face this challenge. 

What should I do?

The alternative way is to self-study. But can I do that? Is it a better decision than attending that school? I'm so confused. I will think about this more. And while I'm in the middle of thinking, I would some more art or probably write more. :)

I hope the answer will come to me as soon as possible. I feel I don't have that much time to waste. I need to move now.

Good luck to me. 
 
 
Current Mood: confusedconfused
 
 
withinblackvxvi
09 January 2012 @ 10:37 pm
Yes, I have. Some are unintentional, though. Locally, I met Charice Pempengco, Michael V., Dennis Trillo, and some other local artists which names I don't know, and who went to school for drama shooting. Meeting the three named artists were the most memorable of them all. I cried when I met Dennis (I was a big fan before his child issue). I got scolded for going home late when I met Michael V. But I didn't mind at all. :P Who would when you just met your favourite childhood comedian? Meeting Charice was exciting! We were already at the venue two hours before the show, haha! But it was fun.

Internationally, I only met Kpop artists, two Kpop bands. The first I met was the boy group U-kiss. I almost got the chance to meet them backstage but Korean staffs didn't allow any one other than staffs to enter backstage, so we were just ask to give each U-kiss members rose flowers while they sing As Long As You Love Me by Backstreet Boys. That was one of the most unforgettable moment in my fangirl world! I hugged Kevin, my favourite member! >< His wonderful smell lasted on my nose for days haha! :D Too bad though we weren't able have our albums signed. :( But I guess hugging them is more precious, right?

The next Kpop artist I'm going to tell you is the most memorable that even when I die, it would be forever treasured. I met my most favourite Kpop boy group, Super Junior. I'm a HUGE fan of them! I met them when they had their third concert here in the country. I wasn't able to attend their second because of some circumstances. I went to the concert venue with my friends at twelve noon. We went for a little merchandise shopping, and I only bought a lightstick and a Sungmin fan. After we entered and had our seats, we had to wait for two hours more before the concert started. And when it started, oh gosh, I went to heaven, and I stayed there for the whole three-hour concert! When it was done, I was still in daze and everything felt just like a dream. Till now, the memory of it still lingers, and mind you, I have a very bad memory. :D

Well, maybe I still have some other experiences but I forgot them :P Bad memory is bad. 
Have you ever met anyone famous?
 
 
withinblackvxvi
09 January 2012 @ 09:28 pm
Probably, I would choose any songs from any albums of Westlife.
It's best to sing songs which are meaningful or gives good messages.
Westlife songs do have these qualities I want.

If I'm going to list 10 songs, my list would be:

1. Beautiful Tonight
2. Us Against the World
3. Moments
4. Try Again
5. Maybe tomorrow
6. Reach Out
7. I'll See You Again
8. What About Now
9. Before It's Too Late
10. I Will Reach You
 
 
Current Music: Westlife - Before It's Too Late